10 Disney Princesses Ranked by How Unlikely Their Stories Would Be in Real Life
As it turns out, glass slippers, beastly boyfriends, and talkative flora and fauna are best left in the animated realm.
In the real world, we're more likely to have Uber rides than magic carpet flights, and our heart's desires require a bit more effort than just rubbing a lamp. But wouldn't it be a dull world without these fantastical tales to escape into once in a while?
10. Cinderella
What's more relatable than a hard-working gal, busting her hump for her mean step-family? Our dear Cinderella went from scrubbing floors to fitting perfectly into a glass slipper (size concerns, anyone?), thanks to her fairy godmother. How many of us have tried to summon one during tax season? But talking mice and pumpkins-turned-carriages? Unless you've had one too many margaritas, that's a hard no.
9. Belle (Beauty and the Beast)
Belle is a bright, book-loving woman stuck in a provincial town where her pastime is frowned upon. So, when she's imprisoned by a beast, she does the logical thing: falls in love with him. Realistically, Stockholm syndrome aside, trying to change a man into a prince charming rarely works out. And talking furniture? Unless you've got one of those smart homes, your chaise lounge probably won't be serving you a cup of tea anytime soon.
8. Ariel (The Little Mermaid)
Ariel, an aquatic teen with a glorious voice, falls head over tail for a land-dwelling prince. Solution? Sacrifice her voice for legs. But hold up – she's got no idea about human customs (fork as a comb, anyone?), yet wins the prince's heart. Truth check: In real life, voice or no voice, if you start brushing your hair with a fork at dinner, you're more likely to get a raised eyebrow than a marriage proposal.
7. Snow White
After escaping an assassination attempt by her own stepmother, Snow White cohabitates with seven dwarfs. Her housekeeping skills are top-notch, but accepting an apple from a suspicious old hag? Food safety 101, Snow! Reality alert: living with seven men you barely know is generally not advisable, and accepting food from strangers is a big no-no.
6. Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)
Cursed by an uninvited fairy, Aurora sleeps for a hundred years. The castle is covered in impenetrable thorns and she's awakened by true love's kiss. Beautiful tale, but realistically speaking, a century-long nap might lead to muscle atrophy, not a romantic reunion.
5. Mulan
Mulan's realism scale might be a tad higher than others. In an act of love and bravery, she takes her father's place in the army, fighting off invaders. But the illusion of effortlessly maintaining a male facade in an all-male camp and having a dragon as a comrade are hard to swallow. Practicality analysis: In real life, maintaining such a disguise for so long would require Oscar-worthy acting skills, and a dragon? Maybe as a tattoo.
4. Tiana (The Princess and the Frog)
Tiana is a hard-working woman with a dream to open her restaurant. In a twist of fate, she kisses a frog and gets turned into one. Despite the amphibian adventure, she achieves her dream. The reality review, however: Kissing frogs in real life might result in a mouthful of slime, not a prince.
3. Rapunzel (Tangled)
Locked in a tower, Rapunzel has hair with magical healing properties that glows when she sings. Her golden locks are used as a ladder, which, let's be real, would've led to some serious scalp problems. In reality, such hair would weigh her down, and she'd need industrial amounts of shampoo and conditioner. Imagine the detangling nightmare and the hours spent brushing. Not to mention, glow-in-the-dark hair would make hide and seek games extremely short-lived.
2. Pocahontas
A free-spirited young woman with the ability to communicate with nature, Pocahontas manages to prevent a war between her people and the settlers. It's poetic, and while we all wish for an inner 'Colors of the Wind' moment, most of us struggle to keep our houseplants alive. The reality factor here: Talking to trees and getting meaningful advice in return requires either a deep spiritual understanding or some potent hallucinogenic mushrooms.
1. Jasmine (Aladdin)
Our last princess resides in the magical city of Agrabah, complete with a flying carpet, a genie in a lamp, and a parrot that never seems to shut up. In the real world, a carpet ride is more likely to result in rug burn than a romantic trip around the world. As for the genie, unless Siri or Alexa start granting wishes, we're out of luck. In truth, the most realistic thing here might be the parrot.