10 Best Punchlines from GoT’s Tyrion Lannister
Tyrion Lannister has been our source of the best punches and one-liners throughout the entirety of Game of Thrones — here are his 10 best quips and comebacks.
S1E3: On Being Rich
“If you’re going to be a cripple, it’s better to be a rich cripple.”
What sound advice, Tyrion! Indeed, having money to spare is beneficial in any situation, so it’s a solid future-proofing goal. But this quote becomes even more relevant when applied to real life where there’s still too little accessible infrastructure.
S1E5: On Accusations
“What sort of imbecile arms an assassin with his own blade?”
When you’re accusing a person of something, it’s better to look beyond the conveniently placed evidence as there might be a sinister plot behind it. Also, you may get called out for being an idiot by one Lannister much smarter than yourself.
S1E9: On Self-Irony
“As impossible as it seems, there was once a time when I was unaccustomed to wine.”
Knowing and admitting one’s sins is always more charming than denying them, and Tyrion knows that. Nothing buys quite as much sympathy as clever self-irony, does it? But seriously, heavy drinking is not a fun quality. We’ll get back to this later.
S2E2: On Honor
“I'm not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I'm denying its existence.”
Counter-accusations are best undone by getting back on track, but it’s always easier to question lords and ladies when your last name is Lannister. Still, such a sharp reply is bound to find its use one day if you care to remember it for later.
S2E7: On Power
“It’s hard to put a leash on a dog once you’ve put a crown on its head.”
While not the wisest way of speaking about your King, this quote holds in real life, too. You must always assess someone properly before giving them power because later, it’ll be impossible to take it from them. Queue the next election soundtrack.
S2E9: On Cowardice
“They say I'm half a man, well what does that make a lot of you?”
Tyrion Lannister knew how to wear his “weakness as armor.” What better way to inspire a bunch of soldiers to fight than to point out that the one they despise has more courage than all of them, combined? No one likes being called a coward.
S3E10: On Names
“Anyone named Desmond Crakehall must be a pervert.”
Sorry to all Desmond Crakehalls out there, but this is a straight-up fact, and you know it. Sometimes, a name is enough to judge a person — what would you say about a corpo boss whose name is Galaktion or something along these lines?
S3E10: On Heavy Drinking
“It’s not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy.”
Another point to Team Tyrion for using his least honorable qualities as armor. When someone tells you that you’re too slothful, point out just how hard lying on a couch one day is! They aren’t doing it themselves, are they? Pathetic lightweights.
S4E8: On Morons
“Turns out, far too much has been written about great men and not nearly enough about morons. Doesn’t seem right.”
Tyrion Lannister always looked into the heart of the problem: how are you supposed to learn about people’s stupidity if all you read and watch movies about are great and wise folks? The real world will punch you in the gut brutally if you’re not ready for it.
S5E9: On Eloquence
“In my experience, eloquent men are right every bit as often as imbeciles.”
Is it more pleasant to listen to someone who knows their way with words? Absolutely. Does the fact that they speak in more eloquent sentences than others mean that they are worth listening to? Not necessarily. But we’ll still listen to Tyrion on this one.