10 Best Jokes in the Harry Potter Books, According to Reddit

Sometimes it's a quip or sly one-liner, and other times Fred and George keep you laughing for pages at a time. We went to Reddit to see what people are calling their favorite LOL moment from the Harry Potter books.

Here are the lines that are quoted the most often, though we're listing them here in no particular order (because really, how could you choose)?

The whole revolt against Delores Umbridge has a lot of hilarious moments, and an honorable mention has to go to Professor McGonagall telling Peeves "it unscrews the other way" when he's trying to take down a chandelier.

But the moments that Redditors can't get enough of are the ones that result from Fred and George raining chaos, creating a swamp in the middle of the school, hopping on brooms, and quitting Hogwarts for good.

Particularly golden is this one-two comedy punch:

Eventually the area was roped off and Filch, gnashing his teeth furiously, was given the task of punting students across [the swamp] to their classrooms.

Harry could still hear the distant bangs of escaped fireworks when he and Ron went to bed an hour later, and as he got undressed a sparkler floated past the tower, still resolutely spelling out the word 'Poo'.

Sure, we're adults and poop jokes aren't supposed to be funny. But a sparkler "resolutely" spelling out potty humour is pretty golden no matter what your age.

That Classic Ron and Hermione Banter

There are so many great exchanges between Ron and Hermione. But the one that Redditors bring up again and again comes from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Hermione has just gone on a long, in-depth explanation of Cho Chang's feelings over Harry – feelings that include confusion, sadness, and attraction all mixed up together. Ron listens to her detail all of these emotions with disbelief.

A slightly stunned silence greeted the end of this speech, then Ron said, 'One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode.' 'Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have,' said Hermione nastily, picking up her quill again.

Dumbledore's First Speech

Dumbledore's first speech to his students was considerably less laden with wisdom than his later moments. But who could forget a headmaster whose first impression is these words:

"Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you."

Dumbledore Drops the Mic at the Dursleys

Give me sassy Dumbles, or give me death! Redditors love this comeback from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince:

"I don't mean to be rude – " [Uncle Vernon] began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable.

" – yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often," Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely. "Best to say nothing at all, my dear man.

Classic Dumbledore, managing to be polite, passive-aggressive, and funny all at the same time.

Uranus – Get it?

They're kids' books, so you might expect the odd bit of toilet humour. But a few folks on Reddit didn't really get this one until they were grown up – at which point it made them howl with laughter. Lavender Brown tells Professor Trelawney:

"Oh Professor, look! I think I might've gotten an unaspected planet! Oooh, which one's that, Professor?"

"It is Uranus, my dear," said Professor Trelawney, peering down at the chart.

"Can I get a look at Uranus too, Lavender?" said Ron.

No word from JK Rowling on whether Ron ever got to see Uranus.

"Sir"

In Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Snape takes over teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, much to Harry's chagrin.

After putting up with his least favourite teacher for some time, Harry finally has enough of being endlessly needled. This line made a lot of lists not only as one of the funniest lines in the books but also as the favorite comeback in the series.

'Do you remember me telling you we are practising nonverbal spells, Potter?'

'Yes,' said Harry stiffly.

'Yes sir.'

'There's no need to call me "sir", Professor.'

The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying. Several people gasped, including Hermione.

Harry gets in trouble, but it's worth it. At least for the reader. Damn, Harry.

Gred & Forge

Honestly, this list could be made up of 100% Fred and George one-liners. Here's a favourite from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, after the kids have all received hand-knitted sweaters from Mrs. Weasley.

"You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid – we know we're called Gred and Forge."

So simple. So funny.

Stupid Tea Leaves

Ron might be at his snarkiest best during Divination class, where he and Harry routinely invent answers for their homework out of thin air. In Order of the Phoenix, Ron announces that he has finally had enough.

"From now on, I don't care if my tea leaves spell 'Die, Ron, Die,' I'm chucking them in the bin where they belong."

Nicknames

Remember that time Harry tried to pass off Ron's textbook as his own in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince? Unfortunately, Ron's name was written in it. Fortunately, Fred and George had invented a "self-correcting" quill.

"This is your copy of Advanced Potion-Making, is it, Potter?"

"Yes," said Harry, still breathing hard.

"You're quite sure of that, are you, Potter?"

"Yes," said Harry, with a touch more defiance.

"This is the copy of Advanced Potion-Making that you purchased from Flourish and Blotts?"

"Yes," said Harry firmly.

"Then why," asked Snape, "does it have the name 'Roonil Wazlib' written inside the front cover?"

Harry's heart missed a beat. "That's my nickname," he said.

We're not sure exactly why this line tops so many lists of funniest HP lines. But the people love it, and there's no denying that it's pretty good.

Absolutely Spiffing

How could you not end with another Fred and George (or Gred and Forge) classic? This one comes from Prisoner of Azkaban. Percy has just pompously greeted Harry with a handshake and solemn hello, as though they had never met. The twins elbow their way in and mock Percy in one of the most hilarious strings of dialogue in the series.

"Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you, old boy –"

"Marvelous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. "Absolutely spiffing."

Percy scowled.

"That's enough, now," said Mrs. Weasley.

"Mum!" said Fred as though he'd only just spotted her and seizing her hand too. "How really corking to see you –"

Quite a few Redditors name this exchange as the one they use most in real life. When you have the opportunity to say something is "really corking", you should always go for it.