We Sorted Lord of the Rings Characters in Hogwarts Houses, And It Got Weird

We tried sorting Lord of the Rings characters, but sadly it got weird.

Frodo: Gryffindor, naturally. Who but a Gryffindor would offer to take the magic ring that makes people crazy to a place called Mount Doom?

Sam: Hufflepuff. Who but a Hufflepuff would agree to go with that crazy Frodo Baggins because loyalty? Also #friendshipgoals.

Sauron: Slytherin, duh. This guy has a thing for power and doing things his way, no matter the consequences.

Gandalf: He's the brains of the operation. Maybe of EVERY operation. RAVENCLAW!

Merry and Pippin: At first this dynamic duo follows Frodo out of loyalty, but by the end of the series they're charging into battle without a second thought. So where do they belong? Is it too painful to imagine they might get split up?

Merry's more studious nature might make him a Hufflepuff, while Pippin's sense of adventure and impulsive nature would probably sway him towards Gryffindor.

Legolas: Strategic thinker, witty debater, and genius battle tactician? Ravenclaw.

Boromir: His courage is undeniable, but his ambition makes him an easy target of the Ring. To Slytherin with you!

Gimli: "Toss me!" Only a true Gryffindor could pull that one out of the hat.

Aragorn: His actions may be fuelled by courage and loyalty, but at the end of the day all of Strider's decisions are carefully calculated.

Even the choice to make a suicide run at Mordor, while an act of great bravery, is ultimately a chess move. RAVENCLAW!

Saruman: Hear us out on this one. Saruman, like Gandalf, is one of the Maia – essentially an angel sent down to Middle-Earth.

In Tolkien lore, the greatest weakness of the Maia is impatience: sometimes they get tired of helping mortal creatures struggle for a better world, and want to force the world to change.

Saruman started a partnership with Sauron because he thought his superb intelligence would allow him to gain the Ring for himself and "fix" Middle Earth.

Of course, the road to Mordor is paved with good intentions… we're going to risk the wrath of the internet and say not all evildoers are Slytherins. Some of them are Ravenclaws who've taken the wrong path.

Smeagol/Gollum: …….. We're stumped. Gollum spends all of his time cowering (not Gryffindor), it only took two minutes around the Ring before he was strangling his best friend (not Hufflepuff).

He's sly, but not brainy enough for Ravenclaw. And he's actually not ambitious at all – he doesn't want power or status. Nope, all he wants is a dead fish.

Could it be that Gollum might actually be the first student to stump the sorting hat?!

In desperation, we asked the AI program ChatGPT what it thinks. It gave us this incredibly insightful answer: "Gollum is not a character in the Harry Potter universe."

Well, we may never solve this conundrum, but at least the job of "Staging Weird Pop Culture Debates" is still safe from a robot takeover. Hurrah!