7 Jokes So Dirty We Can’t Believe They Made It into Doctor Who, Ranked
Doctor Who may be marketed as a sci-fi family show, but some scenes make you wonder, “Are kids really allowed to watch that?”
Here are the seven filthiest jokes that Doctor Who actually included in the final cut.
7. The Ambiguous Big Bang
The season 5 finale is titled The Big Bang for an obvious reason… or even two. First, the Doctor and Co. reboot the universe with the Big Bang 2.0. Second, Rory and Amy do finally get married and enjoy their wedding night in the TARDIS, which later probably leads to the birth of the Doctor’s wife, River Song. The Big Bang indeed.
6. The Torch Comparison
The below-the-belt jokes aren’t new, but they sure are funny. In Vampires in Venice, Rory finds himself under-equipped with a pencil torch, while the Doctor practically sports a lightsaber, prompting him to say, “Yours is bigger than mine.” The Doctor immediately retorts, “Let’s not go there.” Doctor, what else are you hiding?
5. The Screwdriver Comparison
The Day of the Doctor has many memorable scenes, but the one where the Tenth and the Eleventh Doctors compare their screwdrivers is an absolute fan favorite. No one should be surprised that David Tennant’s Doctor is eventually the one to hilariously remark, “Compensating?” He has always been the vain one.
4. The Browser History
The Doctor seems to be divided on what a person should and should not look up on the Internet. In The Eleventh Hour, he uses Jeff’s laptop to search the web and is immediately appalled by whatever Jeff has on it, commenting, “Blimey. Get a girlfriend, Jeff.” In The Zygon Inversion, however, the Doctor is now worried about his own browser history, which he asks Osgood not to look at. Shame on you, Doctor!
3. The Virgin Queen
The running gag about Elizabeth I and the Doctor’s more-than-platonic relationship is one of the best on the show. For instance, in The End of Time, the Doctor rambles on to an Ood, “Got married. That was a mistake. Good Queen Bess. And let me tell you, her nickname is no longer...” In The Beast Below, future Queen Liz X brings up the subject again when she says, “And so much for the Virgin Queen, you bad, bad boy.”
2. The Love Life
Love & Monsters is considered one of the worst Doctor Who episodes for a reason, and that reason is largely the ill-advised joke at the very end. Ursula gets consumed by an absorbing alien, but the Doctor manages to restore her as a paving slab. Elton, Ursula’s boyfriend, is over the moon about it and can’t help but share their happily-ever-after with the viewers, noting, “It’s a relationship, of sorts, but we manage. We’ve even got a bit of a love life.” RTD, why?
1. The Spoiler Alert
River Song loves her sexual innuendos as much as the next gal, but this one certainly takes the cake. In The Impossible Astronaut, the Doctor asks River to shout if something’s wrong, to which she quickly replies, “Don’t worry, I’m quite the screamer. Now there’s a spoiler for you.” We can’t with those two!
Doctor Who loves surprising us, and it’s not always subtle.