5 Dumbest Harry Potter Retcons That Will Make You Say 'Accio My Brain'

5 Dumbest Harry Potter Retcons That Will Make You Say 'Accio My Brain'
Image credit: Legion-Media

Oh, JK Rowling… why do you do it?

The Harry Potter universe, had it been left to those eight almost-perfect books, could have stood for all time. But you just had to keep mucking about with it. The Fantastic Beasts movies make some bizarre changes, but so does the stage play Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Rowling had a direct hand in both, and here are 5 of her most egregious retcons.

1. Nagini is a woman for some reason

Rowling now claims that she always planned to reveal that Voldemort's pet snake was actually an Asian lady under a curse. Just… why? First of all, there isn't great representation in the HP world anyway, and making your second Asian character a literal pet isn't great. But beyond that, how are we supposed to take Nagini in the books?

How are we supposed to feel about Neville loping the snake's head off? It used to be such an awesome moment. But it turns out he was beheading an imprisoned woman? How are we supposed to feel now?

2. Legilimency comes naturally

5 Dumbest Harry Potter Retcons That Will Make You Say 'Accio My Brain' - image 1

Voldemort's ability to pry into people's minds was creepy and terrifying and meant to be a representation of his amazing power, and the terrible ways he misused it. Only a truly evil guy would sharpen his magic into a blade to pierce people's inmost thoughts, right? … Right? Nope, JK thought it would be jolly good fun for Queenie in the Fantastic Beasts movies to basically be a psychic. So, we guess, reading minds isn't an evil misuse of power, we're just playing by X-Men rules now.

3. Time turners have no time limit

Honestly, introducing time travel in the Prisoner of Azkaban was always a mistake. Time travel mucks up any narrative, and it beggars the mind to think that Voldemort wasn't trying to use one all the time. But at least when they're first established Rowling sets out the rule that time turners can only go up to 5 hours into the past. Then she wanted Cursed Child to happen, so that rule went out the window.

We can go back decades now, whatever. Does it make sense? No. Does Rowling care? Apparently not.

4. Credence is alive / a Dumbledore / in love with Nagini

Credence Barebones could have been anything. But instead, he was everything – everything the movies can throw at you. First, he's definitely dead. Then he's inexplicably alive, and his personality has changed. Then he's a love interest for Nagini. Then he's Dumbledore's long-lost brother. If you haven't seen the Fantastic Beasts movies, you're probably confused. If you did see them, you're just as confused… because this character gets retconned every five minutes.

5. According to Cursed Child, Voldemort and Bellatrix had a kid

The timeline suggests they would have had a tumble in the hay sometime around Half-Blood Prince. First of all, eew. Second of all… what?

Just… what?